How to Stop Being Jealous of Someone Else’s Success

Jealousy is inevitable. But are you affected by it negatively? Understanding how to stop being jealous can help you control your own life and live better. By Amelie Lee

Jealousy is an emotion that’s as natural as falling in love or finding someone attractive.
While jealously is at times inevitable, it should never be turned into an obsession.
All of us feel jealous at some time or the other.
As long as it’s a passing thought that doesn’t torment you, you have nothing to worry about.
But if it’s something that controls how you feel, and comes in the way of your everyday life, you really need to find a way to stop being jealous and control the emotion before it overpowers your life.

What is jealousy?

Have you ever felt upset for no reason at all when a friend achieves something you’ve always wanted?
If someone else’s happiness or achievements bother you, even when it has nothing to do with you, you’re probably experiencing jealousy.
At work or in the classrooms, we’ve had to deal with people who have always had better fortune while you were given the short end of the stick.
While it’s alright to get upset about someone else’s success that leads to your loss, the emotion of anger or failure shouldn’t show up along with jealousy.

How to stop being jealous

Jealousy will never help you. You may feel jealous of a friend for hooking up with a gorgeous arm candy or because they got promoted. But how is that jealousy ever going to change anything in your own life?
You could ponder over it or spend hours every day plotting revenge or hating someone because they are better than you or luckier than you. But you’re only wasting your own life, while this person who is the object of your jealousy wouldn’t even give you a thought.
At the end of the day, jealousy won’t help you and it definitely won’t leave you in a better place.
Some people are gifted with better abilities, and some people work hard.
And all said and done, dedication and passion can help you achieve the same thing too.

On the other hand, jealousy will blind you and force you to spend hours fantasizing about circumstances that’ll never materialize. You’re still going to be the same person you are now even after whiling away hours or days in jealous thoughts and ideas.

Ways to stop being jealous of someone else

If you feel like you’re obsessed with someone else’s success or failures, there’s a good chance that you’re jealous.
Use these ways to stop being jealous and divert all the negative energy into something positive that can ultimately help you lead a better life.

#1 Don’t live in a world of comparisons. In this world where everyone’s lives are open for all to see through social networks, it’s easy to constantly compare yourself with your peers and competitors.
While healthy competition is a good sign, blatant jealousy isn’t. If you want to be successful in life, be your own competition. Compare your own past and try to get better every single day. It’ll help you become the best you can be without falling prey to petty jealousy.

#2 Your achievements matter. Celebrate your own achievements, however small they may be. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You can’t hate someone else because they’re famous or earning a lot more than you are. At some point, they were in the same place as you.
Life isn’t easy. But with serious effort and dedication, you can achieve your own dreams. Base your happiness on your own achievements and not someone else’s achievements, or you’ll find yourself angry and bitter all the time.

#3 Be passionate about your life. Love yourself and respect your own life. If you’re not happy, choose a new career path that you love. When you respect yourself, you won’t get jealous anymore. You may be envious, but not jealous because you believe in your own capabilities. If someone else is better than you, it’s a reason to envy them and work harder, not become jealous and wish them ill.

#4 Ask yourself the truth. Why does it bother you if some other person achieves something better than you? There are so many people in the world. Why are you associating all your jealousy and triumphs with just this one person? Aren’t you being small minded and stagnated by worrying over petty fights when there’s a whole world of opportunities out there?

#5 The world is unfair. Deal with it. Some people have better lives and better opportunities. What are you going to do about it? You can’t do a thing other than create your own successes. Fantasizing about your jealousy will take you nowhere. You know that already, don’t you?

#6 Stop wishing you were someone else. You’re not. And you will not become someone else with wishful thinking. Unless you consciously work towards achieving more, you’ll spend the rest of your life bitter and fragile because your happiness doesn’t come from your own success, but from watching someone else’s downfall.

#7 Everyone has their highs and lows. Life isn’t always perfect. While you may be jealous of someone, there may be many other areas where you have a better life. Be realistic and see the truth as it is. All of us fail some and we win some. When you realize that you have a great life too, you’ll be able to stop being jealous all the time.

#8 Don’t lose your life. When you focus on jealousy, you’re losing your own real life because you’re too busy thinking about someone else’s glories or happy moments. You could hate someone else because they’re prettier or get more attention, but what you don’t realize is that your life has stagnated and nothing will ever change unless you do something about your own flaws and shortcomings.

#9 Be positive. Be confident and pursue your own dreams. Jealousy is a way of accepting failure. Why are you jealous? Don’t you think you are capable of achieving the same pleasures as the object of your jealousy some day? Jealousy is your mind’s subconscious way of giving up and whining about how unfair life is. Don’t succumb to it. Instead, go out there and prove that you’re better.

#10 Jealousy comes from fear. What are you afraid of? Almost always, jealousy stems from a deep fear that you may never achieve the same thing. The more you’re jealous, the more you’re convincing yourself that you’ll be no good. Unless you do something about it, you’ll spend the rest of your life feeling bitter and hateful. Turn that jealousy into determination, without ever giving up and you’ll definitely stop being jealous all the time.

A tiny amount of jealousy is acceptable. But if it you feel like your jealousy is slipping out of control, understand what jealousy really is and how it’ll cripple your life from the inside.

And when you’re ready, use these 10 tips on how to stop being jealous of someone else’s success. It can make a world of a difference to your life once you realize just how useless jealousy is, and how bitter it can make you feel all the time.

9 Ways to Overcome Jealousy

Have you ever felt yourself resenting another person just because of their perceived success? Do you hear yourself justifying their success with some trivial reason so that you can easily dismiss them (and consequently feel good about yourself)? Through my experiences, I have come to learn that this instinctive emotion is merely trying to protect our ego, by burying our inadequacies and insecurities. Our mind is at work protecting us in the comforts of our little cocoon shell. But to what benefit does it serve?

Not only is the feeling of jealousy not conducive for relationship building and effective communication, but it just doesn’t us feel very good. Can you relate? That uncomfortable tightness in your stomach? Why do we put ourselves through it?

In relationships, this emotion is so pervasive and instantaneous that people fail to take time, step back and evaluate it. It breaks communication, compassion and damages relationships. I know that I have been jealous and I am intimately aware of the impact it can have on a relationship. When we are in a state of jealousy, we are operating in a state of instinctual survival mode. We are acting out of scarcity. In this state, we are irrational and the only thing we can think about is ourselves. We fail to consider the feelings and impact of our behavior on other people. But when we operate from a place of abundance, we unleash the human spirit, think compassionately towards others. We can free ourselves from negative emotions.

In a workplace, jealousy can be the fear of disrespect from our peers (“if she is better than me, then I will be replaced.”); thus unloved. In a business, the fear of loss in market-share, sales, customers and bankruptcy; thus unloved.

I learned that my jealousy was very much driven from my ego’s cry for attention. Deep down inside, I was just a little child, arms wrapped around myself, scared and wanting to be loved.
The following are methods to help reduce and eliminate this negative thought pattern:

• Fully Experience the Feeling – By telling yourself not to feel jealous, you will never be able to get out of it. “What we resist persists”. But if we bring awareness into the equation and deeply understand the situation, we’ll start to eliminate the negative emotions. Allow yourself to fully feel the feeling of jealousy. By facing the emotion directly and fully experiencing it, you’ll see that the feeling will start to diminish. I have also found this experience to work with anger towards another, and fear of a situation. Find a place alone where you won’t be disturbed. Close your eyes, and start to feel the jealousy. Observe where that feeling is coming from? How is it reflecting in your body? Does your throat feel tight? Is it your stomach? Does your heart ache? Become the observer. It’s important to fully allow the feeling to surface. Recognize that it isn’t you, but your ego’s crave for attention in the name of survival. Keep observing, and in a few seconds you’ll see that the feeling will slowly disperse. By practicing this, “you can move beyond the ego’s perspective and see reality from the perspective of a higher consciousness.”
  “To overcome jealousy, just see how the jealousy came into your system, just analyze the sequence of thoughts and emotions in your system and then undo it by reasoning out the whole process with your intelligence.”
  – Swamiji Nithyananda
  

Love Yourself - “If you don’t fully accept and love yourself as you are, you could be more prone to comparing yourself to others as a way of artificially boosting your feeling of self-worth.” — Steve Pavlina
Self worth comes with self appreciation and love. People who are truly comfortable and secure with themselves, rarely let jealousy get in the way. Look within, spend time with yourself, get to know the real you. Choose to focus on yourself, instead of the person you are jealous of. Use your understanding of desires and your mind to change your perception. Know that you have everything you need to be whole, happy and complete right inside of you. Know that if you feel something is missing that you can have it, you can achieve it.

• Stop Comparing – Nithyananda said, “Comparison is the seed and jealousy is the fruit!”. Comparison leads to jealousy, and both are mind-created states. “Our mind is so caught up in comparison that it misses the actual quality of what it sees. We need to drop the comparing attitude to be able to see things as they are.” (Nithyananda). Start by appreciating the differences. See the benefits of you uniqueness.

It is helpful to be reminded that there is no end to comparison, because there is no end to our expectations. Remember the last time you fulfilled a desired goal? Or received something you wanted? What happened to it 4 weeks later? Did you still appreciate it as much?

“Mind is that Illusion which shows a tiny mustard seed to be a huge mountain until it is attained, and a mountain to be as insignificant as a mustard seed once it has been attained!“
– Raman Maharshi

• Find What’s Threatening You? – Ask yourself and see what is it about yourself that you feel is being threatened? What are you insecure about? What are you afraid to lose? What is it that you believe you deserve? Once you understand what this is, decide to overcome this insecurity with a rough plan. See how you can see the situation from a place of abundance rather than scarcity?

• Write It Out - I’ve always found it helpful to think on paper. By writing down your thoughts, it gives you an opportunity to express yourself, but also lays your options out clearly on paper. It’s like seeing the city from an airplane, you have a clearer vision of the big-picture. Ask yourself “Why do I feel this way?” Write out all your reasons out on paper. Write without editing, jot down anything that comes to mind. You can organize the information later. Once you have all your reasons, write beside each one what you can do about it. Dig deep within yourself, find insight from your uncertainty.
• Be Realistic – Ask yourself,
  • Is the person really a threat to you? To your relationship? To your business?
  • Is what you are feeling or doing creating any benefits for anyone involved? If it doesn’t feel very good and it’s not helping you, then does it make sense to continue feeling this way?
  • Is there a lesson I can learn here? What is the inspiration I can gain from this situation?
• Find Your Strength – Focus on your strengths and unique qualities. Feel gratitude for the gifts you have and abilities that you are blessed with. Once you identify what they are, then shift your focus.
• Shift Your Focus - When we are feeling negative, it is sometimes difficult to think rationally. We are so focused on the negative feeling that we lose the big picture. Change your current emotional state by shifting your attention to something completely different. Like go for a jog, or start doing the dishes. Once you’ve cool down, come back to the situation with a clear and open mind.
• “Is this what we want for ourselves?” – By feeling this way, we are giving this emotion our attention, in the process we are attracting to us like situations and perceptions for us to continue feeling this negative emotion. “What we sew is what we reap”. If you were in their shoes, would you want the same? How do you think the other person feel? Put yourself in their position. When I find someone more successful in my field, I celebrate their success as if it was my own, and I use their case as an example to model after.

How to Deal with Jealousy in Relationships

5 Ways to Stop Being So Jealous About Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend

Bothered by the attention that your boyfriend or girlfriend gets from other people?  Can't stand it when your sweetie's ex is around?  Sounds like you've got a jealous streak.
If you do something foolish about it - like blame your boyfriend or girlfriend, or lash out at the ex - you're going to drive your sweetie away.  Here are 5 ways to ward off those jealous thoughts.

1. Recognize Why You're Jealous

People will rarely go out of their ways to make you feel jealous.  Instead, jealousy in relationships usually comes from insecurity that you feel about yourself or about your relationship.  When you feel a pang of jealousy, try to figure out what's really at the root of it.  You'll probably find that solving the problem involves changing something about you rather than changing the way your girlfriend or the people around her act.

2. Build Up Your Self-Esteem

Confident people aren't jealous because they know they don't have a reason to be. Take a little time every day to do stuff that makes you feel good about yourself. When insecure thoughts enter your head, try to push them out. Little by little, your confidence will build, and you'll care less about what other people think.

3. Quit Comparing

You're probably tempted to compare yourself to the other girls in your boyfriend's life, and to keep double-checking to make sure your boyfriend thinks you're prettier and cooler than they are. Snap out of it! When it comes to dating, people can't be compared like that. No matter what your boyfriend's exes and female friends are like, he likes you for you.

4. Put Yourself in Other People's Shoes

If your girlfriend has an ex-boyfriend who wants her back, think about how you'd feel if you were him: probably pretty hopeless and depressed.  You have more reason to feel bad for him than to be angry at him.

5. Remember that Acting Jealous Doesn't Help Anything

In fact, jealousy in relationships only makes things worse - especially if it changes the way you act around your boyfriend or girlfriend. Why ruin a perfectly good relationship with negative thoughts? Get positive! Here are some tips to point you in the right direction:

 

How to Stop Being Jealous

"Love is not jealous, ... does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked."1 Corinthians 13:4 [New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures]

Jealousy is when you react negatively towards the possibility of losing what you have to someone else. Unlike envy, it usually involves three people, rather than just two: you, the person who has what you want and the person who threatens to take it away. It's an unhealthy habit that can make any kind of relationship crumble; if you're a jealous person, you have seen how much damage it can do. But at the core of jealousy are some fears and expectations that are hard to shake, unless you make a conscious effort to cast them away.

Steps

1. Observe what triggers your jealousy. Certain situations will trigger an image or possibility in your mind that you dread. What are the images and possibilities that pop into your head when jealousy strikes?
   
   
   • romantic partner interacting with others (co-worker, ex, friend, etc.) - fear of partner cheating with someone who is "better" than you in some way
   • child seeming to prefer the company of another adult - insecurity about whether you're doing a good job as a parent
   • parent paying attention to their new partner - fear that the parent will not spend any time with you anymore
   • friend spending time with other people - fear that the friend will prefer the other people and will not want to spend time with you anymore
   • someone else getting a promotion that you want - insecurity over unmet expectations
2. Bite your tongue. When you feel jealousy taking over, don't react in a destructive way. Don't accuse, don't give the silent treatment, don't roll your eyes, and don't show any signs of displeasure. Try to do the opposite of what a jealous person would do. If a friend is going to spend time with someone else, for example, recommend a good movie or restaurant. If your partner is talking to someone else, leave them be. Do what a completely trusting person would do in your shoes, even if it makes you feel crazy. Jealous behavior can bring any kind of relationship to its knees, so nip it in the bud. Make time to discuss, using nonviolent communication, what made you feel jealous later, when the strong feelings of jealousy have passed, and you're not as likely to overreact.
3. Recognize that jealousy is a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you behave jealously, you don't respond to someone's behavior--you respond to what you believe someone's behavior implies. In other words, you're reacting to a scenario in your mind that you fear, but that hasn't happened yet, and might not happen at all. By playing with another adult, for example, your child isn't doing something inherently wrong. Neither is your partner who calls to offer condolences to their ex whose mother just died. But your negative reaction to what you believe their behavior implies (that someone else is somehow better than or more important than you) will make the person feel defensive and paranoid, because they're being accused of doing something bad. The more defensive and paranoid they get, the more suspicious and jealous you get. It's a vicious cycle that's difficult to reverse.
4. Build self confidence. Jealousy is usually a by-product of insecurity and low self-esteem. Sometimes it's a deep-rooted fear of abandonment that someone will leave you, or withdraw their love or attention from you because you're "not good enough"--if so, you need to learn that other people's behavior and lives are not a reflection on you. Confident people know that even when they are rejected or ridiculed, it's not always because they failed; sometimes people are just short-sighted. And even if they do fail, it doesn't reduce their worth; it simply means they need to learn something new.
5. Stop comparing yourself to other people. Some people seem to have it all, but be realistic--does anyone really lead a problem-free life? They might seem to lead a comfortable life (as many wealthy people do) but it's not always a fulfilling life. And even beautiful, successful celebrities have emotional breakdowns, get cheated on, struggle with addictions, get arrested, and lose their fortunes. Make friends with someone who you think has it all--sincerely take an interest in their lives--and you'll eventually discover that they have their hidden struggles. But they don't live their lives constantly worried that someone else will come along and take away everything that gives them joy; their lives aren't characterized by jealousy. Learn from them.
6. Stop feeling entitled to all of a person's time. If you get jealous when you see someone you care about interacting with or spending time with someone other than you, then you need to consider "How much of this person's time do I really want?" It's understandable if you want to spend a certain amount of quality time with your partner, child, parent, or friend. If they're not spending any time with you, then your concerns are valid. But if they spend a good deal of time with you but you never feel like it's enough, and deep down you'd prefer it if you were together all the time, then it's not healthy. Find other activities, and other people to do them with, to fill your time.
7. Trust. If you get jealous easily, you've probably had your trust broken. Most of the time, the trust was broken in the past, and you inadvertently project your fear of being hurt again onto someone else. The question you need to ask yourself is whether this person (the person who you worry will hurt you) has ever done anything to break your trust in the past. If the answer is no, then it's important to give them credit for that, and not treat him or her like a criminal. If the person has broken your trust in the past, then it's time to forgive, or else jealousy will ruin the relationship. Period.
   
   
   • Sometimes jealousy is warranted. Not all partners have a good sense of boundaries. In some instances where this is true - it is truly vital that you question your partner's judgment and in whom he/she places trust. Boundaries need to be set so you both know what's appropriate and what's not in terms of interacting with other people. This is a difficult subject for many couples, but addressing it will prevent arguments down the line. Ask your partner where they draw the line (flirting? kiss on the cheek? peck on the lips? shoulder massage? dancing?) and see if it matches up with yours. If not, talk it over until you can find common ground. Once it's established, trust your partner and don't let jealousy get the best of you.
8. Be positive. Ultimately, jealousy is a fear-based behavior. You're spending a lot of time worrying about something bad that hasn't happened yet, and might not happen at all. In doing so, you're increasing the likelihood of bad things happening by fostering suspicion and distrust. Try to focus on the positive, instead. Be thankful for what you have. And remember that if someone is going to hurt you, there's nothing you can do to stop it anyway. No amount of nagging, monitoring, accusation, snooping, or guarding will prevent you from being hurt. If you believe in someone, believe in them completely; give them all your trust. The benefit of the doubt is essential for any relationship to work. And if you really don't trust them, if you really feel that the person is weak, deceptive, or otherwise untrustworthy, then don't associate with them. You deserve better.
   
   

Tips

• Always examine your jealous thoughts for a sense of entitlement. Whatever it is that someone is getting and you're not (thus sparking jealousy) is something that you feel entitled to; something that you feel is rightfully yours. Instead of trying to convince someone (through jealous behavior) that they should give you what you want, think of ways you can earn it. Focus on being a good person.
• The best way to make someone spend even more time away from you is to act jealous. When you're being angry, snarky or sarcastic, you're not only less fun to be around, you're making the person feel that you think you own them.
• Prepare a list of good qualities about yourself and focus inward. This will help resolve any internal insecurities that you have. Remember, those insecurities are manifested outwardly through your jealousy.
• Do not let them see that you are jealous, because they could have the right to be mad at you.
• Give yourself a day to cool down, do not react immediately. Always give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Do not believe anything until you have actually seen it.... but if you have a bad feeling and you are absolutely convinced your partner is cheating, then just walk away, it is hard but time heals any wound, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Warnings

• Overcoming jealousy will take time. Be patient with yourself.
• Never let your feelings of jealousy push you to abuse someone, verbally or physically.
• Don't get angry at the person you're jealous of - it will only make things worse.
• always take a second to tell them how much you love them
• Just because you feel or see something in your mind, doesn't mean it is true. Focus on reality.

 

Jealousy is a form of pride, because you feel someone is treating you unfairly and you're being mistreated and abused. So jealousy is really a spirit of complaint and murmuring which is, of course, born of pride. YOU MURMUR BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED BETTER. You're being mistreated. You're being abused. You don't deserve it. You're better than that. "I deserve to have him all to myself! SHE doesn't deserve to have him at ALL! I am the one that ought to be considered. I am the one that ought to get the attention. Nobody else deserves him but ME!"

That's pride! That's jealousy! Selfishness is pride! What IS selfishness after all but PRIDE? The SELFISH believe THEY deserve MORE than others. Therefore they're unwilling to SHARE. THEY feel like THEY'VE got a right to it ALL. NOBODY else deserves to have ANY.--And they get angry if anyone even SUGGESTS they ought to SHARE!
Selfishness is the possessiveness of private property.--"It is mine!--Nobody Else's! I deserve it and nobody else can have it! I'm the only one that has a right to it!" But the truth is that he belongs to OTHERS as well as YOU--his time, his attention, his thoughts and counsel.
Watch out!--The Lord might take him away and then you'd HAVE NOTHING to murmur about, complain about or get hateful about! You can become like a dog in the manger where YOU don't want him, but you don't want anybody ELSE to have him either--and you'll LOSE EVERYTHING!
Foolish, selfish and jealous people!--Do you know what they're willing to do? They're willing to even kill the thing they pretend to love just to keep it away from OTHERS, just so nobody ELSE can have it! They would rather see it DIE than have anybody ELSE have it!
They'd rather kill it than share it--that's the ultimate in selfishness, like those women in the Bible: That's the way Solomon found out who REALLY LOVED the baby! The one who REALLY loved it was the one who was willing to GIVE IT UP to preserve its life so that at least the baby could be happy and live.--1Kings 3:16-28.
The one that didn't love and wasn't the true mother didn't really care about the baby, only HERSELF, and would rather KILL the baby than let anybody ELSE have it! So the proud, selfish and jealous KILL rather than let anybody else have it--which shows and PROVES they DON'T REALLY LOVE IT.
They really only love themselves! That's the ultimate in JEALOUSY. That's what women do when they murmur against others to whom he pays attention and complain he doesn't love THEM just because he deals with OTHERS. It's just like sticking a knife in his back and making him want to die!
You think he's hurting you. But if he LOVES you and is only trying to HELP somebody else, that's the furthest thing from his mind. If he loves YOU and he loves the LORD, he'll also love OTHERS and want to help THEM, too. The same goes for the FELLOWS, also, who are jealous of their WIVES!
In the long run, you won't kill your competition--you'll kill the one you say you love!--You may kill his LOVE for you, his FAITH in you and even his faith in HIMSELF! It's a common practice with the Lord: People who are not willing to SHARE what they have, God often takes it away COMPLETELY and many times gives it to the one with whom they were NOT willing to share it!
By your selfishness you could be absolutely killing the one you say you love! You know what God did with the Israelite when they refused to give a tenth?--He took the WHOLE THING! The only thing that will HELP you will be to HURT you.
"Unto him that hath, shall it be given, but unto him that hath not, it shall be taken away, even that which he thinketh he hath!" THE BOTTLE ASKS ONLY TO BE CONSUMED, never to be replenished.

Jealousy is a human emotion that occurs from a dislike of a certain situation (such as someone cheating with your girlfriend) or selfishness. It's an inbred factor of human beings, as with all other emotions. Jealousy can be influenced by psychological, cultural and societal factors. A societal situation could be one in which a female gets jealous of another due to high fashion. Or a man being envious of a competitor who got a job that was open. It's all based on environmental, and at times, biological factors.