How to Stop Being Jealous of Someone Else’s Success

Jealousy is inevitable. But are you affected by it negatively? Understanding how to stop being jealous can help you control your own life and live better. By Amelie Lee

Jealousy is an emotion that’s as natural as falling in love or finding someone attractive.
While jealously is at times inevitable, it should never be turned into an obsession.
All of us feel jealous at some time or the other.
As long as it’s a passing thought that doesn’t torment you, you have nothing to worry about.
But if it’s something that controls how you feel, and comes in the way of your everyday life, you really need to find a way to stop being jealous and control the emotion before it overpowers your life.

What is jealousy?

Have you ever felt upset for no reason at all when a friend achieves something you’ve always wanted?
If someone else’s happiness or achievements bother you, even when it has nothing to do with you, you’re probably experiencing jealousy.
At work or in the classrooms, we’ve had to deal with people who have always had better fortune while you were given the short end of the stick.
While it’s alright to get upset about someone else’s success that leads to your loss, the emotion of anger or failure shouldn’t show up along with jealousy.

How to stop being jealous

Jealousy will never help you. You may feel jealous of a friend for hooking up with a gorgeous arm candy or because they got promoted. But how is that jealousy ever going to change anything in your own life?
You could ponder over it or spend hours every day plotting revenge or hating someone because they are better than you or luckier than you. But you’re only wasting your own life, while this person who is the object of your jealousy wouldn’t even give you a thought.
At the end of the day, jealousy won’t help you and it definitely won’t leave you in a better place.
Some people are gifted with better abilities, and some people work hard.
And all said and done, dedication and passion can help you achieve the same thing too.

On the other hand, jealousy will blind you and force you to spend hours fantasizing about circumstances that’ll never materialize. You’re still going to be the same person you are now even after whiling away hours or days in jealous thoughts and ideas.

Ways to stop being jealous of someone else

If you feel like you’re obsessed with someone else’s success or failures, there’s a good chance that you’re jealous.
Use these ways to stop being jealous and divert all the negative energy into something positive that can ultimately help you lead a better life.

#1 Don’t live in a world of comparisons. In this world where everyone’s lives are open for all to see through social networks, it’s easy to constantly compare yourself with your peers and competitors.
While healthy competition is a good sign, blatant jealousy isn’t. If you want to be successful in life, be your own competition. Compare your own past and try to get better every single day. It’ll help you become the best you can be without falling prey to petty jealousy.

#2 Your achievements matter. Celebrate your own achievements, however small they may be. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You can’t hate someone else because they’re famous or earning a lot more than you are. At some point, they were in the same place as you.
Life isn’t easy. But with serious effort and dedication, you can achieve your own dreams. Base your happiness on your own achievements and not someone else’s achievements, or you’ll find yourself angry and bitter all the time.

#3 Be passionate about your life. Love yourself and respect your own life. If you’re not happy, choose a new career path that you love. When you respect yourself, you won’t get jealous anymore. You may be envious, but not jealous because you believe in your own capabilities. If someone else is better than you, it’s a reason to envy them and work harder, not become jealous and wish them ill.

#4 Ask yourself the truth. Why does it bother you if some other person achieves something better than you? There are so many people in the world. Why are you associating all your jealousy and triumphs with just this one person? Aren’t you being small minded and stagnated by worrying over petty fights when there’s a whole world of opportunities out there?

#5 The world is unfair. Deal with it. Some people have better lives and better opportunities. What are you going to do about it? You can’t do a thing other than create your own successes. Fantasizing about your jealousy will take you nowhere. You know that already, don’t you?

#6 Stop wishing you were someone else. You’re not. And you will not become someone else with wishful thinking. Unless you consciously work towards achieving more, you’ll spend the rest of your life bitter and fragile because your happiness doesn’t come from your own success, but from watching someone else’s downfall.

#7 Everyone has their highs and lows. Life isn’t always perfect. While you may be jealous of someone, there may be many other areas where you have a better life. Be realistic and see the truth as it is. All of us fail some and we win some. When you realize that you have a great life too, you’ll be able to stop being jealous all the time.

#8 Don’t lose your life. When you focus on jealousy, you’re losing your own real life because you’re too busy thinking about someone else’s glories or happy moments. You could hate someone else because they’re prettier or get more attention, but what you don’t realize is that your life has stagnated and nothing will ever change unless you do something about your own flaws and shortcomings.

#9 Be positive. Be confident and pursue your own dreams. Jealousy is a way of accepting failure. Why are you jealous? Don’t you think you are capable of achieving the same pleasures as the object of your jealousy some day? Jealousy is your mind’s subconscious way of giving up and whining about how unfair life is. Don’t succumb to it. Instead, go out there and prove that you’re better.

#10 Jealousy comes from fear. What are you afraid of? Almost always, jealousy stems from a deep fear that you may never achieve the same thing. The more you’re jealous, the more you’re convincing yourself that you’ll be no good. Unless you do something about it, you’ll spend the rest of your life feeling bitter and hateful. Turn that jealousy into determination, without ever giving up and you’ll definitely stop being jealous all the time.

A tiny amount of jealousy is acceptable. But if it you feel like your jealousy is slipping out of control, understand what jealousy really is and how it’ll cripple your life from the inside.

And when you’re ready, use these 10 tips on how to stop being jealous of someone else’s success. It can make a world of a difference to your life once you realize just how useless jealousy is, and how bitter it can make you feel all the time.

9 Ways to Overcome Jealousy

Have you ever felt yourself resenting another person just because of their perceived success? Do you hear yourself justifying their success with some trivial reason so that you can easily dismiss them (and consequently feel good about yourself)? Through my experiences, I have come to learn that this instinctive emotion is merely trying to protect our ego, by burying our inadequacies and insecurities. Our mind is at work protecting us in the comforts of our little cocoon shell. But to what benefit does it serve?

Not only is the feeling of jealousy not conducive for relationship building and effective communication, but it just doesn’t us feel very good. Can you relate? That uncomfortable tightness in your stomach? Why do we put ourselves through it?

In relationships, this emotion is so pervasive and instantaneous that people fail to take time, step back and evaluate it. It breaks communication, compassion and damages relationships. I know that I have been jealous and I am intimately aware of the impact it can have on a relationship. When we are in a state of jealousy, we are operating in a state of instinctual survival mode. We are acting out of scarcity. In this state, we are irrational and the only thing we can think about is ourselves. We fail to consider the feelings and impact of our behavior on other people. But when we operate from a place of abundance, we unleash the human spirit, think compassionately towards others. We can free ourselves from negative emotions.

In a workplace, jealousy can be the fear of disrespect from our peers (“if she is better than me, then I will be replaced.”); thus unloved. In a business, the fear of loss in market-share, sales, customers and bankruptcy; thus unloved.

I learned that my jealousy was very much driven from my ego’s cry for attention. Deep down inside, I was just a little child, arms wrapped around myself, scared and wanting to be loved.
The following are methods to help reduce and eliminate this negative thought pattern:

• Fully Experience the Feeling – By telling yourself not to feel jealous, you will never be able to get out of it. “What we resist persists”. But if we bring awareness into the equation and deeply understand the situation, we’ll start to eliminate the negative emotions. Allow yourself to fully feel the feeling of jealousy. By facing the emotion directly and fully experiencing it, you’ll see that the feeling will start to diminish. I have also found this experience to work with anger towards another, and fear of a situation. Find a place alone where you won’t be disturbed. Close your eyes, and start to feel the jealousy. Observe where that feeling is coming from? How is it reflecting in your body? Does your throat feel tight? Is it your stomach? Does your heart ache? Become the observer. It’s important to fully allow the feeling to surface. Recognize that it isn’t you, but your ego’s crave for attention in the name of survival. Keep observing, and in a few seconds you’ll see that the feeling will slowly disperse. By practicing this, “you can move beyond the ego’s perspective and see reality from the perspective of a higher consciousness.”
  “To overcome jealousy, just see how the jealousy came into your system, just analyze the sequence of thoughts and emotions in your system and then undo it by reasoning out the whole process with your intelligence.”
  – Swamiji Nithyananda
  

Love Yourself - “If you don’t fully accept and love yourself as you are, you could be more prone to comparing yourself to others as a way of artificially boosting your feeling of self-worth.” — Steve Pavlina
Self worth comes with self appreciation and love. People who are truly comfortable and secure with themselves, rarely let jealousy get in the way. Look within, spend time with yourself, get to know the real you. Choose to focus on yourself, instead of the person you are jealous of. Use your understanding of desires and your mind to change your perception. Know that you have everything you need to be whole, happy and complete right inside of you. Know that if you feel something is missing that you can have it, you can achieve it.

• Stop Comparing – Nithyananda said, “Comparison is the seed and jealousy is the fruit!”. Comparison leads to jealousy, and both are mind-created states. “Our mind is so caught up in comparison that it misses the actual quality of what it sees. We need to drop the comparing attitude to be able to see things as they are.” (Nithyananda). Start by appreciating the differences. See the benefits of you uniqueness.

It is helpful to be reminded that there is no end to comparison, because there is no end to our expectations. Remember the last time you fulfilled a desired goal? Or received something you wanted? What happened to it 4 weeks later? Did you still appreciate it as much?

“Mind is that Illusion which shows a tiny mustard seed to be a huge mountain until it is attained, and a mountain to be as insignificant as a mustard seed once it has been attained!“
– Raman Maharshi

• Find What’s Threatening You? – Ask yourself and see what is it about yourself that you feel is being threatened? What are you insecure about? What are you afraid to lose? What is it that you believe you deserve? Once you understand what this is, decide to overcome this insecurity with a rough plan. See how you can see the situation from a place of abundance rather than scarcity?

• Write It Out - I’ve always found it helpful to think on paper. By writing down your thoughts, it gives you an opportunity to express yourself, but also lays your options out clearly on paper. It’s like seeing the city from an airplane, you have a clearer vision of the big-picture. Ask yourself “Why do I feel this way?” Write out all your reasons out on paper. Write without editing, jot down anything that comes to mind. You can organize the information later. Once you have all your reasons, write beside each one what you can do about it. Dig deep within yourself, find insight from your uncertainty.
• Be Realistic – Ask yourself,
  • Is the person really a threat to you? To your relationship? To your business?
  • Is what you are feeling or doing creating any benefits for anyone involved? If it doesn’t feel very good and it’s not helping you, then does it make sense to continue feeling this way?
  • Is there a lesson I can learn here? What is the inspiration I can gain from this situation?
• Find Your Strength – Focus on your strengths and unique qualities. Feel gratitude for the gifts you have and abilities that you are blessed with. Once you identify what they are, then shift your focus.
• Shift Your Focus - When we are feeling negative, it is sometimes difficult to think rationally. We are so focused on the negative feeling that we lose the big picture. Change your current emotional state by shifting your attention to something completely different. Like go for a jog, or start doing the dishes. Once you’ve cool down, come back to the situation with a clear and open mind.
• “Is this what we want for ourselves?” – By feeling this way, we are giving this emotion our attention, in the process we are attracting to us like situations and perceptions for us to continue feeling this negative emotion. “What we sew is what we reap”. If you were in their shoes, would you want the same? How do you think the other person feel? Put yourself in their position. When I find someone more successful in my field, I celebrate their success as if it was my own, and I use their case as an example to model after.